My grandfather for my mother side, gangula channa Reddy. Died on Nov 3 2021, my parents were in village when he died. I heard the news when me and my brother were in metro traveling to a central bus stop, to catch a bus to village.
It’s didn’t bring any significant change in my life, Ntg that i felt. My grandfather was a man of few words, we never really had a single vulnerable conversation in 20 years of my life. I only relationship we had was with money. Every time i visit village, while leaving he used to give my mother, Prasanth and me money. From as long as i can remember, i expect it. it’s kinda his love languages. I often used to contemplate weather that’s the reason i visit village and my grandparents.
My grandfather had two brothers, one died long back, another one live right next to my house. Yet i never saw both of them talk, not even once, in fact i got to know he was my grandfather brother, after my grandfather passed. That too my mother told me. I could have know that sooner if i wanted to, but i never was invested in this affairs. My grandfather brother has no children, i don’t know why they are not intimate. My mother told me that he was upset over my grandfather involvement in his matrimonial decision making which resulted in a childless marriage. But i am not sure, i believe no one really has a clear explanation for this.
For a village of this size and social obligations they hold, they are plenty of weddings, festivals and culture events. He never attended any of them, it’s never felt obligated. He attended a event once for half an hour and whole village was in shock. For some reason he lost faith in humans, long back. I don’t even know why. i never felt like asking him about his life, i am pretty sure he wouldn’t have been comfortable answering those questions. For me he was my grandfather that was enough for me, it still is. but i should have asked.
I don’t know anything about that man, his childhood, moments that shaped him, why he is the way he is, what he like and admired, what gives him peace and who he hated and why. It’s crazy how you can have a person beside you for years and know nothing about him. It reminds me how many people in human kind history buried without sharing there stories. That drama we missed.
I don’t remember my grandfather as grim and Moody. He was always calm and kind to us, i not sure he was same to himself. I know someone won’t take such drastic decisions in life unless he is deeply hurt. I don’t know what hurt him. I remember my grandfather as someone who want to be free, if he was provided with a opportunity and if circumstances were convenient he would have sell all the land leave this village and go somewhere where they are no chains to him. I am not sure about that too, he would have missed his temple.
He built a ram temple right next to our house, when I was 8 months old. Taking care of that temple is his favourite hobby. Still I don’t think he is religious. He is a government employee, in transport. Far away from village, he visits village once in 2-3 days. That frequency changed time to time. Days he is village, he tries to get busy with his chores. Job was his escape, his peace. i Am pretty sure about that. I am guessing he is a different person when he goes to work, but i am not quite sure. He loved that job, i never visited that place. I don’t remotely know where it is and what he do. I don’t know about his colleagues, friends and companions. I am sure no one does. he worked in that position untill he retired. i wonder weather his colleagues know that he passed away.
when he was alive, at 8pm every night he used call us and ask three specific questions are you good?, are you eating well? and are you studing well?. We used to answer same for all the question everyday, still it was an event. He used to call us right before he sleep, i dont remember the day he missed. My mother used to say me and my brother are love of my grandparents life, i dont know what love is, i dont know whats love for them. i hope its true, then again i dont know. My grand mother gave birth to a boy before my mother, that child died in months. then my mother born, and thats it. that odd because i see people give birth twice or thrice just for male child. I can’t claim i know my grandfather, i dont know his belive system, i don’t know weather he tried for another child again. but, considering my mother has no sibiling, i belive i would know if he is not content with just one female child. and obviously they pampered my mother, i heard they were lavish in taking care of my mother. My grand father brought first color TV in entire village, then a TV is rare and a color TV is just magic. i remember all of village used to stick to that TV in our house at night. at least 50 people everyday. i heard they are they are willing to educate my mother as far as they can but, my mother failed her 10th and then she got married. 22 years ago people used to get married very young, especially women. My mother often brags about her priencess treatment when she was a child. She does express her regret of not focusing on her education.
He used to smoke a lot, i mean a lot, packs a day. thats what eventually caused his death.
When i say village i am talking about a midium size settlement in rayalaseema region, andha state in India. It’s fairly connected to resources, it’s upto date with times. Oppertunities are not drastically low. Social structure hear is, i am guessing more or less similar to majority of India. It’s reasonable odd and alien to me to this day. it more intimate then cities for sure, but still same. people fight all the time for some reason. I always wondered what these people have, to fight for. all they have is there stupid pride. i always felt i could live a calm and inconsequential life, if i have no option but to live in a village. it only humbles me to know that, this place is no different from rest of the world. or Maybe there is something i dont know about this place. 5-6 houses around us are someway or other related to us. parents cousins or grandparents cousins or grand grand parents cousins. all of them share same surname. People in this circle get into altercations time to time about there share in ancestrial land. its nothing unique to us and its never gonna stop. I am pretty sure these fight are part of the reason why my grandfather is not so social to them. In the Past few of them got physical on my grandfather, but i heard my grandfather never chose violence and patiently did not succum to there pressure to share our land. I am waiting for a chance lay my hands on them but, i never got that oppertunity yet. To create oppertunities: i dont really feel the insult in my gut to shack with vengence but man i would love a change. I am pretty sure he never consider any of them as his relation, so much so that he dont want them in his funaral. I wonder how place this peaceful and calm is so unplesent at time. I belive everyone carring certain baggage around hear, personally i dont entertain such things i would love to shed it.
MY grandmother got married about 16-17, my grandfather died around when she was 70+. My grandmother used to handle the affairs when my grandfather was at his job. My grandmother is in better position to handle loss of her husband, then most of the women in the village. She is married most of her life. I am not saying: you are not alone if you are married but, my grandmother is more afraid now then at any point in her life, i belive. Tho she can handle stuff, she doesn’t hold status, more culturally. a women’s quality of life shouldn’t get affected, just because her husbend died. My grandmother is capable of everything, my grandfather can do, still she be afraid.
You remember, my grandfather brother i was talking about. He has no childrens. Its kinda a big deal in village circumstances. I belive, everytime they see me it reminds them that they have no children.
Irrespective of my relationship with my grandfather, he live in me. I look like him, people say i am like him. He will be part of me.