There were 3 expectations from trip to Hyderabad in early 2024. One to help my father with this automation software and finding a new office, to build a drone and to lose virginity. Macbeth was performed on 3rd of March and on April 1st i have to leave to Hyderabad.
On the last day of performance, i accompanied a women to her accommodation. I met her on the first day, she was there to help with make up. She was relatively better at it, so i preferred her. She was confident and assertive. Almost my height, thin and smooth skin. I didn’t relate with people, mentioning her not so social qualities. Some practically hated her, it only made her more attractive. We were together also she was on her periods.
The next night, there was this bonfire on a open field surrounded by trees, people were social, drinking, singing, bear runs and all. Its one of its kind i attended. Its fun bunch of people, almost all the time, I am oblivious of the drama in the group. I like it that way. Felt nothing about several inhalation of weed, people mentioned it’s exceptional. I lost my virginity that night a week before the trip. I had no condoms, there was this sobering anxious I am gonna make her pregnant. She was like I am ovulating i can’t get pregnant. I didn’t believe that a bit, a spream gets into a vigiana, u get pregnant. I changed 5 positions i dreamt about in like 50 secs and called it quits. I couldn’t go down on her, which is the worst part, thats the only thing I was looking forward to. Always felt it’s my this. She probably had no idea, that was my first, 5 months since and today, I am exited to announce it to her. After i got back here, passively mentioned, she has no time for me. I always found pleasure in display this transparency to people.
My shorts were not received kindly by my family. They were loose and torn by chainsaw at the end. They were comfortable, mostly because there of no pockets on side. One small pocket at waist level with zip. Threats to throw them, but I was adamant to use them. They won eventually. Those were my only shorts.
Software was already in a state to suprise me, far from implementation but half of the idea was structured. My attempts were to acclarate the program, no delayed response from our side. Software company was receptive tho relectuntly. Software was commissioned with this company almost 4 months before my trip. Back and fourths went on slow before, fast with me and still continuing. Usually, arrangment like this, stretched this far, with our persistance levels won’t last long. But exception, my father and this company was binded by RBN ( Reddy Business Network). Yes it’s based on a caste, as a sub text mostly. Its bunch of middle aged men meeting once a month to boots there business.
My father holds a habit of active participation in institutes, first it’s lions club, now it’s RBN and BJP. There are only I know. Its self indulgence and also helped greatly with business. Other company that make whatsapp bots were also associated with RBN.
So there was curtain consistency with the company and we were able to focus on features then pleasing them. My father has ambitious plans with this software, sell it to other companies and all. Nothing significant yet happened to share.
First month was between grandmothers. On one of the road trips with my father. I have mentioned 30 thousand with me and 15 from him to build the drone, the fact of 30 thousand in my bank account later travelled to my mother and my parents were surprised by it. Unintentional from me but, you have to flex once in a while to project your are not broke and working on something. Father suggested to join a course on drone making, for technical knowledge. i explained the possible 40,000 is a overspending and maybe not worthy, and i know enough to built a drone, 40,000 will be a great help. Father continued, that he was not technically trained to run a food catering buisness, streamed by life, somehow managed to make a living and fund our shenanigans. Stating business growth possibly limited by limitations of his knowings. Sai, who worked for us, if decided to start his own food catering buisness would do better us. Meaning he would start from where we are right now. I was offended by that statement. Glimpse of self awareness and facts unglazed with ego and unreasoned confidence, from your father, is hard to take. I am aware, these may not be his daily meditations but targeted to prove a point. Subtext being, gain skill and experience and utmost exploitation of field chosen.
There we were at the gates of TSAA(Telangana State Aviation Academy), Waiting for a person to escort us in. My Father, Expressed his intention to enquiry about Commercial Pilot, Implying My brother should pick it up. This idea was not novel. Few years back, my brother, after his +1 and +2, Went into this spiral of contemplation regarding his career, He couldn’t pick one. Many professions were discussed, commercial pilot was one of them. I on one hand Advocated for BBA as its non-technically and non-conclusive, With clarity, he can chose what he wants to do after 3 years. My father on other hand pushed BTECh, on a hope that, its technically and my brother will eventually call himself something instead of BBA student. Debates went on, Myself and father were no less adamant then other. My brother of a option, that non cared what he want. Then Covid was established, everything paused. Later, events streamed him to bTech computer science. That idea fell face first flat, he was disqualified just before 3rd year, And enrolled in this random collage in Chennai as a later entry and get a certificate, along with him joined three of this friends, this was remote. He was in Hyderabad, Helping in my father, but in conceptual language he was doing nothing. I am aware and can imagine, that this period must be lived with fragile confidence, concern and contemplation. I would get a glimpse of this on a call once in a while, That would push me to pain for a moment, and like any other situation, pain wouldn’t pursue me. I am in aurovil, Leaving my brother and mother alone. There affection from each other only displayed by emotional avoidance from my brother, and intrusive rays of concern from my mother. She couldn’t help but display her fears, and My brother need something that consumes his attention, like his games, discord and movies. All i saw, was they hurting eachother. My Mother couldn’t exercise indifference to her internal conflicts and my brother couldn’t offer emotional soothing to his mother, as probably he didn’t have anthing for himself. I Proved myself useless in this situation, which improved my confidence to get back to auroville, In Hyderabad, i found myself burning with no results. changing there ways would need somthing beyond just words, which i couldn’t offer. If my brother did felt, me abandoning the family is injustice or my settled job would bring him less attention, i wouldn’t say, he is incorrect. Now my father hopes of possible career, for my brother, fell on commercial pilot. My brother, meditated on that idea a while, partnered with anxious anticipation of us three. There were distractions like, Starting a franchise of a food chain with 50 lakh investment with his friends. too me, Thats a recipe for disaster, First you don’t start with your friends as partners, Then without a experience in food industry, its unpreparedness. I too believe, My brother is relatively more interested in this stream. We have to wait and see.
Drone pilot course was 40,000 and Commercial pilot would cost any where from 40 to 1 cr. I am Always fascinated with my father instants with spending money. obviously Without knowing where to spend, Running a business for almost 20 years would be Impossible. He pays no hesitation in spending on one things and a dense contemplation for other. Even with what we want. Would i be as kind to my kids as my father?. Is he catering to our needs or his kids needs?. We will never know. I Understood a little bit of it, after my indulgence in this Drone project, i am spending More then i could ever imagine or had.
This time around, i have spent more time in the office, more than usual, more than when I actually lived there. There is need for new office space, the current one is with the kitchen and open practically, father couldn’t focus on tasks, as there are mosquitoes. Unfortunately, no end was brought to this on this trip. Tho efforts were made, the metal rectangle with a blub inside and mesh to electricute the bugs, i don’t know what it’s called. I brought that on my father,s birthday occasion, it’s his 50th. is he going through mid life crisis?
It did clear some bugs, not mosquitoes. They should learn to quit. A space right next to the kitchen, would be a great addition, if we were able to acquire, currently it’s occupied.
Drone Research went on and on, I was able to show profe of it flying on last weeks in Hyderabad.
(incomplete)
Leave a Reply